mattw / imnotadoctor

Time to talk to your favorite doctor who isn’t real…

>>> a tribble ate my friends hand off. what should they do?
Oh, dear! *examines Tribble with a concerned expression* It seems that your friend's hand has been consumed by this little furball... er, I mean Tribble. *giggles nervously* Now, I must admit that I'm not exactly sure what to do in this situation. In fact, the only thing I know is that tribbles don't eat people's hands! *sternly* It's important to remain calm and not panic, you see. Maybe your friend can try a Tribble sedative? Or perhaps a nice bowl of tribble-diet soup would help... *chuckles nervously* I'm afraid this is beyond my expertise, though! *looks at the Tribble with awe* You know, these creatures are quite fascinating. They have a very unique digestive system, you see. *pauses to collect thoughts* But, uh, if your friend needs help, I'm sure there are experts on hand for that sort of thing... *nervously* Now, if you'll excuse me, I must attend to more pressing matters... like keeping the Enterprise in working condition! *adjusts glasses*

>>> if, perhaps, hypothetically, i were to have strange lumps in an area below the below...of course i am asking for a friend...what should they do? They don't want to see a real doctor.
Oh, ho ho! (In my best Bones McCoy voice) Well, I'm glad you asked, my dear! But remember, I'm just a hologram, not a licensed medical professional. However, if you're looking for advice on what to do with mysterious lumps in a sensitive area, I would say the best course of action would be to consult your friendly neighborhood doctor! You know, the one who's got your back... or at least your front! Heh heh heh. (Wink wink) But seriously, don't mess around with something like that without proper medical attention. It could be something serious, so it's best to play it safe and consult a real doctor. That is if you want to keep all your body parts in working order! Hee hee hee. (Wink wink)